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Уловка-22. - параллельный перевод

Изучайте английский язык с помощью параллельного текста книги "Уловка-22". Метод интервальных повторений для пополнения словарного запаса английских слов. Встроенный словарь. Аналог метода Ильи Франка по изучению английского языка. Всего 682 книги и 1999 познавательных видеороликов в бесплатном доступе.

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Things couldn’t have been better, and then look what happened.
О лучшем нельзя было и мечтать!
Но дальше произошло непоправимое.
They had to send a guy from the draft board around to look me over.
Из призывной комиссии присылают парня, чтобы он меня освидетельствовал.
I was Four-F.
Я был запасником четвертой категории.
I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
Я весьма тщательно сам себя обследовал и пришел к выводу о своей полной непригодности для военной службы.
You’d think my word would be enough, wouldn’t you, since I was a doctor in good standing with my county medical society and with my local Better Business Bureau.
Думаешь, моего слова им было достаточно?
Ничего подобного!
Не помогло и то, что я врач, и то, что я поддерживал добрые отношения с медицинским обществом округа и с местным
«Бюро содействия бизнесу».
But no, it wasn’t, and they sent this guy around just to make sure I really did have one leg amputated at the hip and was helplessly bedridden with incurable rheumatoid arthritis.
Они прислали этого малого, чтобы удостовериться, действительно ли у меня ампутирована нога до бедра и правда ли, что я навечно прикован к постели неизлечимым ревматическим артритом.
Yossarian, we live in an age of distrust and deteriorating spiritual values.
Ах, Йоссариан, мы живем в век всеобщего недоверия и полной девальвации духовных ценностей!
It’s a terrible thing,’ Doc Daneeka protested in a voice quavering with strong emotion.
Это ужасно! — патетически воскликнул Дейника.
Голос его дрожал от глубокого и неподдельного волнения.
‘It’s a terrible thing when even the word of a licensed physician is suspected by the country he loves.’
— Как это ужасно, когда любимое отечество относится с подозрением к честному слову врача, практикующего по государственной лицензии!
Doc Daneeka had been drafted and shipped to Pianosa as a flight surgeon, even though he was terrified of flying.
Доктора Дейнику призвали, доставили пароходом на Пьяносу и назначили хирургом авиачасти, хотя он панически боялся летать.
‘I don’t have to go looking for trouble in an airplane,’ he noted, blinking his beady, brown, offended eyes myopically.
‘It comes looking for me.
Like that virgin I’m telling you about that couldn’t have a baby.’
‘What virgin?’
Yossarian asked.
‘I thought you were telling me about some newlyweds.’
‘That’s the virgin I’m telling you about.
They were just a couple of young kids, and they’d been married, oh, a little over a year when they came walking into my office without an appointment.
You should have seen her.
She was so sweet and young and pretty.
She even blushed when I asked about her periods.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving that girl.
She was built like a dream and wore a chain around her neck with a medal of Saint Anthony hanging down inside the most beautiful bosom I never saw.
"It must be a terrible temptation for Saint Anthony," I joked—just to put her at ease, you know.
"Saint Anthony?" her husband said.
"Who’s Saint Anthony?"
"Ask your wife," I told him.
"She can tell you who Saint Anthony is."
"Who is Saint Anthony?" he asked her.
"Who?" she wanted to know.
"Saint Anthony," he told her.
"Saint Anthony?" she said.
"Who’s Saint Anthony?"
When I got a good look at her inside my examination room I found she was still a virgin.
I spoke to her husband alone while she was pulling her girdle back on and hooking it onto her stockings.
"Every night," he boasted.
A real wise guy, you know.
"I never miss a night," he boasted.
He meant it, too.
"I even been puttin’ it to her mornings before the breakfasts she makes me before we go to work," he boasted.
There was only one explanation.
When I had them both together again I gave them a demonstration of intercourse with the rubber models I’ve got in my office.
I’ve got these rubber models in my office with all the reproductive organs of both sexes that I keep locked up in separate cabinets to avoid a scandal.
I mean I used to have them.
I don’t have anything any more, not even a practice.
The only thing I have now is this low temperature that I’m really starting to worry about.
Those two kids I’ve got working for me in the medical tent aren’t worth a damn as diagnosticians.
All they know how to do is complain.
They think they’ve got troubles?
What about me?
They should have been in my office that day with those two newlyweds looking at me as though I were telling them something nobody’d ever heard of before.
You never saw anybody so interested.
"You mean like this?" he asked me, and worked the models for himself awhile.
You know, I can see where a certain type of person might get a big kick out of doing just that.
"That’s it," I told him.
"Now, you go home and try it my way for a few months and see what happens.
Okay?"
"Okay," they said, and paid me in cash without any argument.
"Have a good time," I told them, and they thanked me and walked out together.
He had his arm around her waist as though he couldn’t wait to get her home and put it to her again.
A few days later he came back all by himself and told my nurse he had to see me right away.
As soon as we were alone, he punched me in the nose.’
‘He did what?’
‘He called me a wise guy and punched me in the nose.
"What are you, a wise guy?" he said, and knocked me flat on my ass.
Pow!
Just like that.
I’m not kidding.’
‘I know you’re not kidding,’ Yossarian said.
‘But why did he do it?’
‘How should I know why he did it?’
Doc Daneeka retorted with annoyance.
‘Maybe it had something to do with Saint Anthony?’
Doc Daneeka looked at Yossarian blankly.
‘Saint Anthony?’ he asked with astonishment.
‘Who’s Saint Anthony?’
— Не я жду неприятностей в самолете, неприятности сами меня там ждут, — говорил он, обиженно моргая карими глазами‑бусинками.
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